Derian House Childrens Hospice
Rachael’s Story
Our beautiful daughter, Rachael, died after a three and a half year battle with cancer. She was just five years old.
Rachael, along with her sister, Megan, had always been such a lively, happy child, and the first, rather nondescript signs of her illness belied the seriousness of her disease. Nothing could have prepared us for the mind numbing fear and disbelief we felt when she was diagnosed with a brain tumour. Our lives simply fell apart.
It was so difficult having to watch Rachael cope with the weeks and weeks in hospital after nine separate operations, and then the dreadful treatments and chemotherapy she had to endure, but worst of all was the very real prospect that she was going to die. Twelve months of intensive chemotherapy and hospital appointments left the entire family drained and exhausted, but we were willing to cope with anything, any treatment, if there was just the remotest chance they could save her. As usual, it was Rachael who handled her treatment with a dignity and strength of character that was an inspiration to us all. She responded well to the treatment, and to our absolute delight her next scan showed her to be in remission. But our joy was short lived, and two months later Rachael relapsed.
We were immediately referred to the Christie Hospital for Rachael to have a course of radiation treatment. Despite the fact that the X-Ray Therapy caused her to feel so very ill, she was extremely brave, and once again took it all in her stride.
We had scarcely dared to hope, but once again Rachael went into remission, so much so that we were able to take her to Florida for the holiday of a lifetime. We all had the most marvellous time, and Rachael seemed to thrive. She appeared to be so well, her hair was growing back and she was getting better with every passing day. As she grew stronger, our confidence grew with her. She still had to attend clinics for routine appointments and scans to check that she was clear of her disease, but everything looked good.
Then in October ’95 on one of her routine scans, we knew something was wrong. Every minute that passed, as we waited for the consultant to read the scan, seemed like a lifetime - we knew it was bad news. Nothing could have prepared us for the pain of being told there was nothing more they could offer to save Rachael’s life. No words can describe the terror that gripped Steve and I. How could we live without Rachael, she was our world. What more terrible things would we and Megan have to see her endure before she died?
It was a further six months before Rachael showed signs of the relentless progress of her illness. She lost the use of her bladder and bowels first, and within a couple of weeks she was forced reluctantly into a wheelchair, before the loss of her arms left her completely paralysed from the neck down. It was heartbreaking to see our daughter, always so fiercely independent and full of pride, now dependent on us for every possible thing.
When it was suggested that we visit Derian House Children’s Hospice, I would have to admit I was very dubious about the prospect of, what I envisaged as, a depressing and despairing place. My fears were totally unfounded. What met us was a newly built hospice with modern facilities specifically designed for the care of children with terminal and life threatening illnesses. There were fabulous things for the children to do, with caring and experienced nursing staff always on hand. They were able to take over some of the day to day caring of Rachael to allow Steve and I chance to relax, and spend more quality time with both her and Megan in the special activities the staff arranged for all the family. Rachael loved it, and we have nothing but happy memories of this very special place. The staff became very dear friends to all of us, and helped us through our darkest moments. I honestly don’t think we could have managed without their love and support.
On the last weekend of October 1996 we stayed for a lovely break at Derian House. We all really enjoyed ourselves, but we knew that Rachael was fading fast, and had very little time left.
The next day, when we returned home with her, she was very quiet and kept drifting in and out of sleep. We both knew that our darling daughter was gradually slipping away. By 9pm that evening I could see the colour draining from her face, and knew she was very tired. As Steve carried her upstairs, I told her how much I loved her, and she said, "I love you too, Mummy". She died an hour later in her sleep.
It is eight months since we lost her, and life is very different without Rachael. It is so hard to carry on without that beautiful child who meant so very much to us. Looking back over the last months we had with Rachael, it is Derian House where so many good times are focused. For that, it will always hold a very special place in our hearts, for the love and support it has given us, and the many precious memories it holds of our darling daughter, Rachael.
